12 hrs from Istanbul to Washington, DC!

Once we stepped inside of the plane, I prayed there will not be anyone sitting with us. My husband made our seat choices, and left one seat empty between our kids. Most of the times this method works, people do not want to sit in the middle, and there is a chance that seat can be empty. Once we settled I tried not to make an eye contact with other travellers like it helps:) My kids were already going crazy, opening their trays, jumping on their seats, putting the head lights on and off, I was praying not only to have a safe flight but also for an empty seat! There were six seats left empty and one of them was the seat between my kids! Lucky traveller! Imagine you have to sit between two crazy kids:)

After take off, I did not waste time and took a half of anxiety pill, I was so worried to take a whole, was not sure if I would fall asleep or not. After two hours of flight, I took other half! Put aside falling asleep I was not only wide awake I was also way too nervous, keep checking the flight info to see where the plane is (it makes a big difference from my end if the plane is over the ocean or not!!), not sure what is the logic behind it, but sometimes there is none in life!!!! By the end of long flight, there were only few pills left, the good news is, I did not take all those pills for nothing, it worked:)

I was so happy when my little one fall asleep after 4 hrs of nonstop toilet trips, eating and drinking. However, there was another toddler behind us (never sit close to people with children!!!!), and my son was wide awake in less than an hour of his sleep! This little girl was just screaming and yelling nonstop, as much as I felt bad for her parents, also as a parent I was just holding my breath! The worst part was all the kids in the plane started crying! You now know why I took so many pills!

We always fly with Turkish Airlines, and best thing about is food, they even have a chef who really cooks in the plane! During 12hrs of flight, eating becomes a main entertainment, I found myself eating every piece of food being served, watched 5 movies, played sudoku and free cell! 

Once we landed, I was so relieved, my tummy was full for couple of days and promised myself I would not watch TV for sometime. 

Because it was right before Christmas, Dulles Airport was very quite. Best part is, now US citizens do not have to go through regular entry points, there were small ATM type of machines for citizens to scan their passports and take own picture. We were done with entry less than five minutes, such a luxury for a woman travelling with two children:) 

Once we stepped outside, it was good to be home again after over 6 years:) and quitely I said to myself 'Welcome back home Zeynep...'

On the go again!

An uneventful week has passed and I literally put my foot outside after little bit of health scare. I became a couch potato for the first time in my life, only ate and watched TV without moving! Thanks to my mom, she took care of my kids, and my sister came over for help. By the way, I might have watched all Turkish soap opera out there! Some of them are really good, just check youtube:) 

Like in every visit, I looked forward to visiting my grandparents, even though every visit reminds me the truth about their ageing and health conditions. They are both in mid 80s and I am very grateful to be able to spend time with them, take my kids to their house, to see my kids play cards and games with them. This time, because of his age, my grandfather was very emotional, he gave me one big hug that made me very sad, as much as I tried, couple tears fell off...and I was not very successful hiding it... The truth is, I know I will not be able to see them as much as it used to be. Living in Kenya is one thing but living in US is totally a different story, with 12hrs flight and 7hrs difference! After each goodbye I pray and hope there would be a next time...

It was time to pack again, my sister came from Izmir she insisted on taking us to the airport. Even though I am never a fan of saying goodbyes at the airports, I was obliged due to my condition (I was not allowed to lift anything).  There were six luggage's to do, two kids to be prepared and me, I had to be ready not only physically but also emotionally as well for another air trip! This time I have decided to get help for my anxiety! By the way there is a great deal of benefit having a psychiatrist sister:) By Saturday I was ready with my anxiety pills in hand:)

Our driver came to pick us up around 9:30am, four hours earlier! If you want to be in a certain place at certain time you gotta leave hours earlier in Istanbul! Traffic is horrible! Anyway, somewhere in the middle, I suddenly remembered I forgot my little vanity bag (my mom's gift, I have it since I was 12!). I've never travelled without it, I know it sounds weird but that's the truth. It is my lucky charm, some people carry pendants, rings and etc. me? I carry I little vanity bag that has little bear pictures on it! Our driver was shocked when I told him we had to go back, and was even more shocked when my mom gave it to me. He was kind enough to not to make any comment, and I was not brave enough to tell him what it was!

Luckily, Istanbul traffic was on our side, for some reason Monday morning traffic was just not there, even the big trucks got disappeared. I know, why, because I was carrying my lucky vanity bag with me, seriously I do believe that:)

TVT pain!

Should I write about it or not, that was the question. But I have decided to write about my life experiences and since this was definitely one of them. Here it is!

Finally a week has passed and now I can sit and walk freely, can I also say I can go to toilet now (how would I know going to toilet is such a relief after all!) .It was one of the most painful week so far. I had two surgeries at once (I know I gotta be crazy to have two surgeries at once, sometimes after I have done something, I even cannot believe myself!) , thinking it will be a quick recovery. At least that was what my doctors told me! I had these health complains after my son's birth. I have done everything I could like exercising, pilates and doing lots of but lots of Kegels, but at the end I needed a surgery! You probably know by now what I am talking about, especially if you are a woman and had natural birth! Even though I read lots about pre and post surgery articles, nothing could have prepared me physically and physiologically what was awaiting for me! Tons of pain, 2 nights at hospital, no appetite at all, difficult to walk and go to toilet!, very low blood pressure, so much more. I once heard the term 'cold sweats', but never knew what that means up until last week! Besides, I had to have another surgery in three days. Imagine me, thinking I will be in better condition after the surgery, worst happens. There I am in surgery room, making jokes with nurses about going to "la la land" in second row in 3 days. When I entered the surgery room, anaesthesia technician saw me and said 'Are you back already?!" Like this is something I look forward to!!! My doctors decided to loosen the TVT tape and told me I should be fine (should or would or will! can I have a definite answer please I thought!!!) But in medical world there are no straight answers, always possibilities that something can go wrong no matter how easy or non invasive the surgery is. I have been sent home with surgically implemented little device to help me with toilet business!!!! I looked my tummy and I was like ok, at least this is easier than the other options! Than I thought about my total barre classes, exercise regimen and abs that I have been working so hard to have! All gone in one second!!! Not here to complain, do not get me wrong, I am happy to be healthy and know that there are so many bad things happening around that people have no control over. But still, we are all humans, right??

Anyway, I have been sent home again by my doctors and told me to try to go to toilet and let them know. I hardly hold myself, it is not about me trying, it is just not happening!!! After painful and sleepless sixth night (I was so worried that I can trip over and block the tubes accidentally) By the way, I am not gonna mention how many phone calls I was getting from friends and family members to check on my toilet status that I have to tell the same things over and over again, it was not only my problem anymore!!! One of these phone calls' was happened to be in a taxi, I again was covering the all details to my friend. After I hanged up, the taxi driver turned around and told me, 'miss do not worry, my wife had the same operation, it takes three to four months to feel well"! Here I am in a taxi, a man I do not even know giving me an advise! And finally after week long painful experiences, dark clouds disappeared and finally mission was accomplished:) I have to admit I literally cried of happiness...!Little device that became my best friend, was taken off very next day, with another very painful experience, but hey I am not complaining at all!

Now, I can walk by myself in a very slow motion, sit and sleep. You cannot imagine how I felt when I was able to turn in bed last night, I fall asleep with a big grin on my face:)

We had air plane tickets for this Saturday, but I am nowhere to have 10 hours flight. Besides, I could not even go out yet, so I have changed our plane tickets. I cannot wait to join my friends for a fun Istanbul night. It will be a slow motion outing though, but who cares:)